|December 5, 2016|
I am determined.
Until I hit bottom, I had nowhere to go. I gambled, predominantly on sports, but in a pinch anything would do. What I thought of as my second job, escape or refuge became a prison. I was an attorney licensed to practice law in New York. That was the facade. I never believed I had earned or was worthy of my achievements.
I spent over ten years throwing away accomplishments. I felt like an imposter and that one day someone was going to tap me on the shoulder and tell me that. I beat them to the punch. I was disbarred as a result of my addiction.
My drug of choice was compulsive gambling. All that mattered was my next bet. The chaos that I created enabled me to avoid responsibilities to my family, friends and clients. Gambling caused destruction and misery to myself and those who loved me.
One day, I made a life choice that I would no longer allow gambling to define who I was. With the support of my family, Gamblers Anonymous and private therapy, I have not found it necessary to make a bet for twenty years and six months. I was reinstated to the Bar in 2004. I can do anything a "normal" person can do except gamble.
I consider myself fortunate and am grateful for my second chance. There is hope. All you have to do is want it bad enough.
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New York State Office of Alcoholism and Substance Abuse Services