Addiction started for me at a very early age. I can remember as far back as 5th grade—the first time I had even heard about drugs—and telling myself I wanted to try them all. My childhood was near perfect, no troubles at home, no abuse of any kind, but I never felt comfortable in my own skin and didn't like who I was. Drugs and self-mutilation became my ways of escaping the feelings of self-hatred.

I started using marijuana, and self-mutilating by burning and cutting at age 13 and progressed to cocaine by 15. By age 19, I had tried every other drug before ending up completely addicted to heroin. I was in such a dark place in my life and thought there was no way out. Looking back, I would rather die than go through detox again.

On September 17, 2007, I made a deal with God. I sat down with enough dope in front of me to kill me, and said, “God, I’m going to do all these drugs right now so if you have something more for me on this earth, let me live, but if you don’t, let me die.” That was my way of saying that I didn’t have the strength to live this way another minute. I woke up the next morning very hazy and confused, but I haven’t touched a drug since that night.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn’t magic. I worked hard to get to where I am through meetings, step studies and church. But I truly believe this was God’s work. He has given me so much through my recovery—family that sticks by me, friends who are real, friends when I need them, and a beautiful baby boy who has such a bright future.

What I want the people who haven’t yet found recovery to know, is no matter how much pain you are in right now, there is an end other than death. You can choose today to stop the pain and start a new life in recovery. Addiction doesn’t discriminate, and neither does recovery. No matter who you are, where you live, no matter what your addiction is or how long you've been using, there is always a way out.

To the ones that do make it out: our friends, our moms, our brothers and sisters are still suffering in their own addictions, and we need to be an inspiration to them, show them that their lives don’t have to end in tragedy. There’s so much more to life and you are worth so much more. For all the things I’ve done, I should be dead, but I lived through it all and am stronger today for it.

Believe me: it’s my duty at this point to reach out to others and help them, because it’s impossible to do it alone. I have managed to stay sober by the grace of God, the support of others, and the willpower to want to never go back to that old life that brought me to the brink of death. Now I know that I am worth it!