My story begins here ... October 23, 1983

I started drinking and smoking pot when I was seventeen and by the time I was eighteen I had pretty much become a daily pot smoker and drinker. I also sporadically used many other drugs during the time that I was an active substance abuser. Fortunately, I never used heroin or any other drug intravenously.

I was extremely introverted as a child. Whether that was because of my home situation or because I felt different — gay, that is. Although I didn't know as a child that this was "different" — or a combination or both. Alcohol helped me to feel connected to others.

I functioned while drinking in that I held jobs and even became involved in political, civic, and gay organizations. However, as time went on, the drinking slowly but surely took its toll. I would defer drinking until after I had finished work and completed whatever volunteer activity I was doing that evening or weekend.

While the civic involvement was extremely worthwhile and I have continued with it and it is now my profession, at that time, the long hours were also a tool to control my drinking. I would not have a drink until my activities were done each evening, because once I had the first drink, I would continue until I was drunk and done drinking.

I was a busy person and a closet alcoholic. Because of that, I was able to hide my alcoholism from most people and my late-night bar buddies didn't notice or care.

Finally, in June of 1983 at the age of 28, I admitted that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I went to my first 12-step meeting and that night I did not drink and have not since. Within a few months, I had stopped smoking pot or using any other drug and every October 23, I mark my sobriety anniversary.

Since then, I have been sober through the terrible AIDS crisis during which many of my closest sober friends and so many others died. I have been through family deaths, great employment, unemployment and life generally. I am in a nearly 18-year, committed relationship with my partner because of sobriety. Indeed, as I have been living with HIV since the late 1970s or early 1980s, I know I would not be alive without sobriety.

I have also, with the help and support of other 12-step groups and their members, been addressing my issues around food, sex, love, money, other alcoholics and co-dependency. I have worked very hard on my own, and with other recovering people as well as professionals, on my long, slow recovery.

I feel very fortunate to be clean and sober and I am grateful for every day I get to live. It is grace, 12-step fellowships and trying to put my recovery first that got me and keeps me clean and sober. I do my best to be there for anyone who is trying to come into or stay in recovery, and others do the same for me. I know in my heart that there is plenty of grace to go around.

My name is Tom. This is my story. What's Your Story?

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